Wondering

Let's get this straight. I don't claim to be particularly bright. I've never attended a college course or received any academic awards. I made it through high school (after at least two tries at Algebra 1, a swing and a miss at English and a short fling with Chemistry) but my grades were such that the Air Force recruiter at the job fair shuffled me off to the Army table for 'lack of aptitude' when I told him I wanted to fly. I hated almost every minute of my classes and wiggled my way off campus by 11:00 am my whole senior year so I could work on the farm. 

Against that background, it's hard to figure how I ended up being such a geek. I somehow developed an affectation for history, technology and science. Not that I'm any good at it...I just like it. 

I've spent my whole adult life reading and listening and trying to be at least a tiny bit literate on lots of subjects. I may not know very much about any one thing but I try to know a little about lots of others. 

Science in particular makes sense to me. It is true that not everything is known and some things may never be known...but there is a structure to the search. There is order in it that appeals to me. It says that not every answer is the correct one but the way to research and test those answers is understood and the language of verification is spoken by all.

History is a bit hazier at times but still, a fair percentage of it is facts and records. The interpretation of said facts gets murky and opinionated but much of that too is interesting and thought provoking. There is always something to learn...no matter what the subject.

In that light...I have to ask...why did so many people give up on knowledge? I've been wondering of late how ignorance became so popular and so...well...normal. And by the way...when did fact-based thinking turn into conspiracies?

"The scientists are all in on it"..."NASA is hiding something"...

Somehow, "I do/don't believe it" is now seen as a legitimate argument. Logical reasoning gives way to argument from incredulity. "I can't understand it so it can't be true." 

Anything more than a cursory Google search is viewed as "elitist" and therefore suspect. Social media posts are quoted as reliable sources of information. Videos on YouTube for instance, while very useful for reference on installing a light switch, are a cesspool of misinformation and bully pulpits for an endless parade of irrational peddlers of nonsense. Comment sections on almost any platform have to be monitored and periodically flushed of hate-mongers, keyboard warriors and the ever-present conspiracy porn. It makes one's head spin.

My purely anecdotal take on it all is that a significant number of seemingly functional adults have chosen to wholeheartedly believe in some form of completely unverifiable, irrational or long since disproven bullshit.

You know the ones...chemtrails; the flat Earth; vaccines; crop circles; denials of everything from moon landings to The Holocaust; pick your poison...there's something for every echo-chamber. From Nostradamus to Bigfoot; Pearl Harbor to Sandy Hook; GMOs to NWO; everybody is hiding something and no one is to be trusted.

Somehow, somewhere facts just evaporated and thousands of years of observation, record keeping and study degenerated into memes and fairy tales. It's as if a certain percentage of the population suddenly volunteered to be wantonly stupid and afraid.

Just for example...you'd have to knowingly allow yourself to be convinced that the Earth is flat. A Greek mathematician figured out the circumference of our roughly spherical planet with a fair degree of accuracy sometime around 240 BC and the proof of that roundness has accumulated nonstop ever since. Same with the idea that the Earth is the center of the universe...it's not, never was and the proof of that is mind-numbingly extensive. And yet...people believe it still. Against all evidence, no matter what it is or where it comes from...they believe. Photographs from space are fake...mathematical calculations are wrong...direct observation is unacceptable...every single scrap of proof is unreliable. This can only be willful ignorance.

The idea that science in general is a conspiracy and 'up to something' makes absolutely no sense when you realize that even the assertion of falsehood is being made on systems developed by the same science that is being disparaged. Does anyone think that the computer or phone on which they opine has always been around or just popped into being one day? Somehow, electricity makes it to the wall outlet to power it too. How did that happen? At least in the world in which we live; we travel, communicate, eat, shelter and yes...fight based on continuous experimentation. Everything we do and come in contact with is the result of ideas...failures...successes...giant leaps and small steps. 

Which leads to me wonder why. Why is it so attractive to believe that which is so easily proven to be false? What is to be gained by rejecting reality and retreating to fantasy? Is it to find safety in something made-up and easy rather than real and difficult? 

Or is it just plain fear? Fear of the unknown and unseen. As Clarke's Third Law states: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
I submit that it is also indistinguishable from conspiracy. 

Is it seeing oneself as being diminished by the accomplishments of others? Or is it just that the world has become too big? Is it that being so small and worse...being able to see that smallness that people fear? Is it fear of not being important?

After all, we're surrounded by 'influencers', 'curators', 'spokespersons' and assorted 'important' people...each telling us what to do, what to wear, what to think. It's an easy trap to fall into to believe that your own little corner is meaningless. 

Technology allows everyone to see the much bigger world like never before and it's oftentimes a very frightening place. I suspect...again with no evidence other than my opinion...that being part of something, even if it's wrong, is better than feeling alone and afraid against so much that is incomprehensible. Fear, after all, drives power in many directions. Inward and outward. Are so many people so afraid? 

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I don't begin to know the answer but I would like to think otherwise. My belief is that there's a much larger, quieter population that lives day to day without worrying about...well...everything. Maybe they're not the vocal ones who make the headlines. But they go on pushing ahead for the joy of it. Maybe all the noise in the news cycle is only aberration and not as prevalent as it seems. It's all just clickbait and sales pitch. Maybe there's a lot more people who look up a the stars and wonder. Everyday people who aren't afraid of the dark. Who see the world as it is.

People who see the universe as embodied by this picture of an object 55 million light years away and understand that we live in a far more wonderful and magical place than any made-up construct could ever be. It only worries me that anyone would wish not to see it and be a part of it. 

I read about astonishing new wonders almost every day. Successes like that photo of a black hole above...the mapping of the human genome...the biggest plane in the world making it's first flight...and even failures like a lunar lander crashing on final approach. To me, these things are magical and akin to miraculous. I cannot understand the science but I'm happy to see it at work. The nuts and bolts of it is beyond me but the results are incredible.

Besides...is it important to know how everything works anyway? Very few of us can truly comprehend all of the technology that surrounds us any more than I can. It's too pervasive and embedded. Do I claim to know what makes the computer I'm typing on work? In only the vaguest sort of way I suppose...but I could no more build it than the squirrel peering in the window at me. My phone could be operated by pixie dust for all I know of its internal workings. But I don't believe there's some dark forces at work behind it just because I don't know what makes the screen light up. My truck starts, the WiFi works, everything is cold in the 'fridge...I couldn't tell you how.

I'm amazed that all this stuff works and that's enough. There was a time not that long ago when nearly everything we take for granted would have been pure fantasy. I'm in awe of the power we all have that in another age, would surely have been seen as devil worship. The power to be almost everywhere at once...to see beyond our own horizon...to be able to know so much by just asking...to be able to be curious. People were burned at the stake for less.

Onward and upward.

In the end...I never did pass Algebra...or English 3. I squeaked out enough credit to graduate and never did learn to fly. I'm nothing more than the next walking talking blog opinion. Yes, I worry more than I should about things I can't control. I let the foolishness in the world get under my skin too much. 

But I try hard to never lose the wonder...the gift of being able to dream of things unseen and things unknown in spite of it all.

I only wish more of the world would tag along for the ride. 

For Minnie Louise...

Home isn't what it always was anymore. My Mom passed away a few days ago. It seems like a little more of the brightness drained out of the world when she left it.

She was almost ninety years old and had been married to the love of her life for seventy one years. She raised five kids in what amounted to two families in the old style...she ran the house and Dad worked. She had a faith that was unshakable. And she knew, even through the Parkinson's and her failing health that she was ready to close her eyes for the last time.

I saw her about a week ago and want to remember her as she was that day. She and Dad sat in the sunshine on their glassed-in back porch chatting and smiling. You could almost see through her she was so thin and frail but she laughed and held my hand like always. I imagine we talked about the kids, the weather, the usual comings and goings, the latest news and how nice it was to see me. I just want to remember her face in the sun and the feel of her hand.

When I got the call that she was in the hospital and she wasn't going home...I sat for a few minutes and struggled with going to see her. She was in a coma by then and so the Mom I knew was already gone. We had said our goodbyes a week ago without even knowing it was the last time. I didn't know if I could watch her leave us. But I went...

The whole tribe was already there by the time I made it to the ER. As the old saying goes, nothing brings a family together like a wedding or a funeral...or in this case, a crisis. My Dad was sitting on an unpadded stool by Mom's bed and wouldn't even sit in a more comfortable chair. He just held her hand and watched over her...as he always had. They were together even if she was only dreaming about it.

It's all a little blurry but doctors came and went. Nurses checked in and finally a surgeon took us to a small room for the news. The damage was too much and there was no reason to subject her to surgery. She didn't want that anyway and no one could disagree. All that was left was to wait. They moved her to a private room and said it was only a matter of hours.

She slipped quietly away the next morning with Dad by her side and I'd like to think she knew it somehow. Through it all, they'd been together. They were everything I ever wanted to be. Theirs was a love for the ages. 

So yes...losing Mom makes me terribly sad and yet somehow...it doesn't. She made the world a brighter place with her presence and everyone who met her saw it.  

She was my inspiration in every sense of the word. And what she taught...even if she did it by example or by accident, will stay with me until my own end. She gave to everyone around her. She gave just by being who she was. 

Perhaps her greatest gift was was to teach me to mark her passing with joy at her life well spent and her rest well earned. She knew I'd be sad but she wouldn't have wanted that...at least not for long. She knew me well and I think she'd forgive me one more time if I hurt for a while.

I know this is the way of things. Life ends for everyone someday and that's a part of it all. I'll grieve for Mom and now and again...and I'll probably fall apart sometimes thinking about her and wishing she was here. But I'll temper the pain with a treasured memory of her sitting peacefully on that bright porch in the sun...with the man she loved all her life by her side...holding my hand...smiling and laughing at some silly story. That's the Mom I'll remember always...not in grief that she's gone...but in happiness that I was lucky enough to be her middling son. And when the tears do come, I can promise her that they're not because I'm sad...but because I will always love her and miss her.

She was my Mom you know. And that makes me smile.