When...

There was a time when we were so much younger.  As happens to us all, time passes and things change as things do.  This is as it should be and must be as long as we're here.  But sometimes you look back when and see something wonderful and fine that might have changed a little more than you thought somewhere along the way.  Maybe for the better...maybe not so much.  It's hard to tell from this end of the kaleidoscope.  The colors look different from the long end of the lens and perhaps a bit faded; but the pictures are still there to remind you and make you wonder.

I've carried this one in my wallet for over 25 years and I'm suprised it would even come out of the plastic sleeve without falling apart. There's not much left but I can still see the faces and the eyes through the wear and tear.  I've seen it a million times through half a life but it still tells me a story.  A lot of stories.  Of different times and places but the same two people I know today.  So much younger then but already on the way to where we are now.  So very young back When...

Traveling already when that was taken and not knowing where we'd go.  Somehow, someway, we're still traveling.  There's a lot less road out front than there used to be and how we go about getting to the end of it is hard to tell.  

But those two in the faded leather jackets are still here.  Still here after everything we've seen, done and been.    The scratchy old photo in my pocket reminds me.  We've covered a long, long way from those years ago.

A long way from When...

On and On

Where did my last few weeks go?  Suddenly, I can't even seem to catch a glance of the days zooming by right in front of my nose.  I looked at my dashboard this morning and realized that my blog friends had been merrily posting away and where have I been?  I wish I knew.  Working a lot yes, but also buried in all things Tour de Cure and Team NS PowerTrain with some firewood, sick kid and a library desk on the side.  Things have been a little hazy with so many projects on the burner and so with apologies to Tim Joe at the Trailer Park, CraftyMamaWitch over on the other side of the pond and anyone else I've slighted by my absence...I humbly present a post:

In short...I've been working.  I know...gainful employment interferes with the good stuff so very much sometimes but, it seems to be a necessary evil.  It just ain't right but there it is.  The demands of walls and a roof, care and feeding and oh, of course, bikes keeps me listening for the faithful landline at hours when I'd rather just dig down in the covers and not hear a thing except the slamming of my own eyelids.  Trust me, getting a cheery phone call from the VRU at 11:30 pm after a total of about 3 hours of restless sleep isn't my idea of a good time, especially knowing that it'll be followed by an hour of driving, an indeterminate interval of throttle time and eventually, the sight of dawn seen through eyes that feel like somebody's been polishing them all night with double-aught sanding pads.  I like my work...really.

It's often not that much fun which, as a wise man once said, "...is why they call it work" but I need the income if I want to continue eating and buying pedal toys so I keep answering the phone.  The job keeps me away from home far too much and always has (which is a post for another day) but except for those hours-from-hell between 3 and 6am when every single cell in my body is screaming "SLEEP NOW", it's far from the worst.  I guess in the grand scheme of things I've done to earn money over the years, it's a pretty good gig .  It pays well, does not involve shovels, sledgehammers or sewer lines as some of my past employment adventures often did and as a real bonus, I get to be on YouTube without having to maim myself or destroy anything.  I'll probably never go viral but that's the price you pay for not shooting your kid's computer for an audience of millions.  Hey, it's a living.

But aside from the usual work/sleep routine, I'm up to those same gritty eyeballs I mentioned in projects that seem to just keep coming back for more.  The Tour de Cure bike team being one of the most serious time hogs.  For those of you just joining us...I refer of course to my initially reluctant involvement in said bicycle team which has now progressed into a three-year old monster with a voracious appetite for my time and phone minutes.  It's a pretty rewarding endeavour at the end of the day but it's also a bottomless pit of things-to-do.  As I said in one of my other posts, I kind of fell into the whole thing by accident but now it has a life of it's own and I'm constantly amazed by what it's turned into.  If I'd had any idea where that first ride around the lake would lead...hell, I probably would have done it anyway but maybe a little differently.

Initially, what I knew about running a bike team would fit in a bugs navel but over the course of figuring it out, I continue to blunder along and in spite of everything, something seems to be working.  By hook or by crook, we went from  few to many and in so doing caught the attention of some pretty big wheels in the company and suddenly a simple Century became something more.  We brought in a bunch of donations for ADA over the last couple of years and seem to be well on our way again.  That's good and in the end that's what we set out to do but there's a little wrinkle these days that I hadn't thought much about until now.

Chris and I were talking the other day and she mentioned to me that I may have turned what started out as a simple, easy thing it into a near-crusade and in some ways, as usual...she's right.
I know I tend to take almost everything much too seriously for my own good and the Tour is no exception.  I want very much for it to be wildly successful and in working at it so hard, I'm finding that some of the fun has leaked out.  Too many meetings, too much organizing, not enough down-time, not enough biking.  Somewhere, I've got to find a happy medium, or at least a happier medium with this thing or I'm going to burn out.

I find this is always a hazard whenever I get inolved in something voluntarily.  I have to be careful or I'll wind up getting an overload and blowing a fuse.  I've been down this road before.  Believe me, the Tour means too much to me to give up just now but when I found myself printing raffle tickets, planning a ride route, switching between about eight windows on my computer...all Tour related with a phone stuck to my ear and the sun shining outside...well, let's just say a little voice whispered ever so quietly, "What the hell are you doing?"
The answer was not readily available.  We've come a long way in two years of this thing but I think I have to figure out how much is too much lest it become...too much.

Looking at this entry, I noticed that I actually started it on Feb. 23rd.  It's now March 4th and I'm still working on getting it posted.  Almost 2 weeks seems like kind of a long time, especially when I like writing these things so much.  Other than that last blast I shot out a while ago, I haven't kept up with the Home the way I like and that's not the only thing that's gotten back-burnered.  There's some other projects that have kinda fallen by the wayside of late.  The captain needs a breather.

Don't get me wrong...I still think the Tour is the best.  We've come so far and done so much that I have no intention of giving up now.  We've created something out of almost nothing and that's a pretty darn good feeling.  There's people who ride with us now who hadn't ridden in years, we've made biking and staying in better shape more visible in our corner of the world, found a whole slew of new friends and helped ADA in the process.  This is a good and wonderful thing.  It's been an incredible ride.

But I think I should get that 2.1 back from the shop soon.  Real soon.  Maybe just a shade less crusading...and a touch more Wayward Home.  Too much of anything is likely...too much.