I've been thinking. I know. Usually bad.
I rode 60 miles recently which is the farthest I've ridden on the old Trek 2.1 in more than five years.
I love that bike. We've been a long, long way together. I used to ride it when things were awful. Each pedal push up a big hill was stomping at fear and anger. But it led to calm.
We rode the Tour and scouted a million miles of routes too. I could peel off a century almost at will for a few years but slowed considerably when my work schedule changed and then along came prostate cancer. My mileage dropped to 35 on a good day. The blue bike hung in the garage a lot but I figured we'd get re-acquainted once I retired. Last I knew, it had about 40,000 miles on it. And the anger is gone.
So now it's about getting my legs back and letting the endorphins work. It's time to reflect as the tires sing hymns in the 'Church Of Everlasting Asphalt'. I don't want to get all Zen about it but there's a lot to be gained when you only have to think about Sur la Plaque and Rule #5.
https://www.velominati.com/the-rules/#credit-4
Which leads me back to what I was thinking about.
I'm sure it's not original but I've always tried to reach my own conclusions from what I've seen and learned. So in keeping with that, I've been trying to work my way through why everyone is so angry. Particularly among members of a brand of nationalism and current political influence.
It's been a nagging puzzle to me since it burst on the scene out of the wreckage of the Tea Party and the Moral Majority. I just can't see the logic in in it (probably because there really isn't that much) but I think I can see where it takes root.
At it's most fundamental level, I firmly believe the anger is based almost completely on fear. The hatred and the brutality comes later and is strongly related but at the heart of it all, in the 'dark night of the soul', there is fear.
Of the unknown, of the unseen, of what is incomprehensible, of not belonging, of diversity, of others unlike or unliked. Somewhere under the chest thumping, flag waving, casual cruelty and poisonous patriotism there lies a person who's in some way afraid.
Fear makes people see shadows in the corners. If someone is thinking all the time of all the terrible things that might happen in every Walmart parking lot, public restroom, classroom, place of worship or someone else's bedroom, that's what fear delivers. Darkness and dread even in sunny places. The thing is, you can usually find what you're looking for if you squint just right and have been told over and over what it is you're looking at.
- Even if you're not looking down at a skinny front tire somewhere in Speedsville with sweat in your eyes and a cramp in your calf, think about it.
I figure it's easier to be afraid first than to try to understand too. And it's very easy to fear what you do not understand. We evolved that way. Understanding or even a desire to understand just drowns in the adrenalin response. Hate fills the vacuum and cruelty masks the emptiness. But deep down that little nugget of dread is at the heart of it all.
I can hear the screaming in protest already but slow the roll and think for a moment. There's a seed of an idea that an entire movement and it's flagbearer is afraid of something or someone.
Stick with me. If you recall, it began with name calling. Insults and swearing became the language. 'Cucks' were anyone not on the in. 'Sheeple', 'Libbies' etc. You remember the forwards and the speeches that came to include 'losers', 'shithole countries', 'lefty scum', 'narco-terrorists' which have now evolved into 'commies', 'ANTIFA' and on and on and on. It's how people who are afraid try hard not to appear so. If you yell loud enough, maybe someone will be afraid of you. Of course, the subjects of the fear come and go but the roots and the harvest are always the same.
I suggest that even people who said they held their nose and went with the program because of a single issue also did so because they were afraid. Afraid of losing. Afraid that their issue would get voted down. Afraid that someone might get something they didn't. Afraid that what was so very important to them maybe wasn't so much for others so damn the consequences, this is the only option.
Single issue people who said they knew about the downsides but went along anyway were just scared. I remember arguing with folks early in the game. "They're going to come for our guns". Obama, Biden, Hochul, Harris. Everybody was coming. Fearing a shadowy someone who would break into their house in the night and take, millions armed and stocked. I heard it over and over, "I'm gonna protect my family" spoken in true cowboy style. Or the ever popular, "Nobody is taking what's mine" and my favorite, "Molon labe"
Who was coming or taking wasn't the point. It's 'them' and they are everywhere. The anger is fear dressed up as courage and whistling loudly in the dark where the monsters hide.
But nobody came for the guns. The 'slippery slope' of regulation to inevitable confiscation never even blipped on the radar. Sales and ownership of firearms skyrocketed. Gun violence is still with us. Nothing happened except fear.
- Sidetracked by the reality of a bee momentarily stuck in my ear (luckily not long enough to unload a sting), I managed to distract myself from the discomfort of saddle sores by cheek-shifting on the saddle and cogitating further.
"I'm against abortions" is another common theme which is certainly a valid and moral position which I will not debate today but again, a single issue that overwhelmed every other immoral position associated with it.
They were afraid. Fearing God's judgement, fearing what the congregation would think if they said otherwise, scared of falling off the self-proclaimed high ground. Afraid that a baby would not be born. And often unwilling to consider the consequences. But at the end, abortion is not gone. It's actually on the upswing and women's health, safety and rights have been damaged if not destroyed.
- I'm now down to much lower gears. My neck and shoulder are now on fire and the wind is relentless. I want to know who puts down new pavement that has more bumps than the old State Street bricks. Why is it always so far home after the last turn? Is 'The Man With The Hammer' sneaking up on me? Think deep thoughts and push on.
Many more fear 'the others'. Other races. Other religions. Other cultures. I know many, many people who are seriously afraid of immigrants. They will deny that they are afraid. Loudly and sometimes violently but if you think logically, what else could it be? Even a superficial surf fails to validate the horrors quoted except in highly publicized and infrequent events. The fear inducers in power have instilled a powerful belief that immigrants and even children of immigrants are taking something from 'us' and literally millions of people are afraid because of it.
- Ah...the end is in sight. My own fear is that I'll collapse in a mound of cramps and nausea before the driveway. The gorilla is not yet tired though so we continue to wrestle. The last mile is too bright and glittery which means I'm nearly used up. Keep putting one down then the other.
So at last, with the Trek firmly in her spot back in the garage and my sweaty self finally breathing without sounding like I've been digging a ditch by hand at 10,000 ft. without oxygen, the final touch goes on the thinking for the day.
What to do? A quote from Frank Herbert's wonderful sci-fi novel 'Dune' comes to mind. It's called 'The Litany Against Fear' and is used to clear the mind when you're afraid and focus instead on what happens after:
I can't offer much except that I hope against hope that even a few of the fearful would find a way to see past it. I've learned something from long, sometimes awful experience that knowing where to look for them is the first step over many barriers.
Facing the idea that fear drives much, maybe there's ways we can find to live without it.
